Original Comic Material
(When I say I'm self-employed, don't be impressed. It might just mean that I'm independently impoverished.)
WELCOME from St. Louis County!
NOTE: This site is rated for general audiences.
|Is that used car you are thinking of buying a lemon?
If you see any of these signs, it probably is...
| What does WWW stand for?
|If at first you don't succeed,
|A rose, by any other name,
|THE SIT-DOWN COMEDIAN
An old friend told me that his daughter had a new friend who played in a band. He said he didn't know if he should be worried, because he couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl. I said, "Well, first you have to realize that there are three sexes now: man, woman, and musician."
Now, people can be amorous with people they meet on-line, and not have to worry. That is until they make laws to punish statutory chat.
Smokers are now being punished because it's believed that smoking causes cancer. These new laws were made even though it's been shown that smoking can actually reduce the spread of body cancer on the backs of old pick-up trucks.
My ten year old daughter asked me if she could have a computer for Christmas. I said, "You probably don't know what software is, do you?" She excitedly replied, "OOOOOOH, TEDDY BEARS!"
That one really happened, and so did this. My friend went into an auto parts store to price shock absorbers for his car. The counter man said, "Well, the shocks are $17.95 each, but I don't know about the absorbers."
|Rim: Hey Ruff, you're looking kind
of stiff and rusty. Did you fall down and land on your head?
Rufus: I'm as sharp as a tack, you bald, eccentric air bag!
Rim: Aren't you stuck-up today!
Rufus: Can't take the pressure, huh. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but you're not such a big wheel. Looks like you've been hitting the skids lately.
Rim: Well, last night I picked up your sister, Sixy Penny, or is that Sexy Pinny? Anyway, she hooked onto me and really made me squeal!
Rufus: I think you've lost your bearings. She wouldn't let you get a toe-in the door!
Rim: She's not very bright, ya know. Kind of common, I'd say. You should send her to finishing school. She almost blew my cover, so I threw her back in the gutter where I found her. I can't get stuck on any heavy-metal types like her, anyway.
Rufus: You're really low, by any gauge. You're not balanced. I bet you can't even track a straight line! And you smell like you ran into some dead meat! Did some cat use you for a toilet? Oh, now I see your white stripe.
Rim: Give me a brake! I can really get you bent out of shape, can't I.
Rufus: If you tread on me, I'll stick you, knock the wind out of you and lay you flat!
Rim: Tap-tap-tap! I can almost hear the sound of your head tapping on the pavement. I may just have to give you a shiner, chew you up, spit you out, and spring a leak all over you. I can be patched up, but you can bet you'll never find your home in the wood.
Rufus: Oh yeah! Well, some day soon you'll make a nice home for the mosquitoes, while your swinging from a tree by your own steel cord.
Rim: I gotta roll along. I'm getting tired of this conversation. I must have missed the point.
Rufus: I'll catch ya later, Rim.
|BUMPER STICKERS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN|
|RULE OF THE ROAD
|When two vehicles approach an unmarked intersection at
the same time, the right-of-way belongs to:
|A POEM AS YOU ROAM
|As you travel the Net Superhighway,
Your next stop may be the Twilight Zone.
And whether it's morn, or the end of the day,
When on-line, you're never alone.
But, before pushing mouse, and surfing away,
Think of Dorothy's clicking heels, I say.
'Cause whether you're normal, or a human clone,
We all know, "There's no place like home."
|All of the contents of this page were created by Charles P.
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